Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Remember this tear jerker? Ryan O'Neal and Ali MacGraw in "Love Story". I ran across this the other day and happened to notice the "tagline". A tagline is a shorthand to explain the theme or appeal of a film. These days, there's a fair amount of creativity and art to creating a tag line for a movie. But back to the "Love Story" tagline. If you cannot read it in the picture it says:
Love Story: "Love means never having to say you're sorry"
VE's retort: "No...Divorce means never having to say you're sorry"
And of course you know I could probably do this all day with other movies...
Rocky: "His whole life was a million-to-one-shot"
VE's retort: "His whole real life was a million and one steriod shots"
Star Wars: "A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away"
VE's retort: "And geting closer, closer one sequel at a time"
Lord of the Rings: "One Ring to Rule them all"
VE's retort: "One Eagle that wouldn't fly the damn hobbits to Mt. Doom to end 9 hours of movie time watching them get there on foot"
Oh yeah...I could do this all day...
Thunk up by VE at 9:28 PM
Friday, January 18, 2013
Losing his seven Tour de France titles
Losing his Olympic Medal
Losing his sponsors
And now this just in...
Lance's former middle school sweetheart has asked for her locket back. Though he probably wasn't doping to compete in school kick ball games (that we can prove), she doesn't want her name tarnished from a cheater/liar baby.
Lance's Boy Scout Troupe have revoked his Honesty honor badge.
Personally, I find it fascinating how the public opinion tide turned on him and watching that barometer slowly swing the other way. If it goes any further South we'll be publicly stoning him or at least serving him his own cancerous ball for lunch.
And like all overpaid cheater/liars in the public eye, he sought the church of Oprah to confess his sins...
Lance: "Bless me Oprah for I have sinned"
Oprah: "Don't worry, with the money we paid you for this exclusive interview, you won't go broke having to give back all your winnings money."
I was a long-time Lance fan. I knew he was arrogant and a bully all along and hated that about him but at least he made the sport of cycling interesting in America for awhile. I mean doping in cycling seems like the equivalent of saying somebody is using steroids in bodybuilding as these guys with 44 inch biceps are standing around "pumping up"...
But the whole falling of yet another hallow sport hero does provide us with good humorous entertainment:
Thunk up by VE at 11:56 PM
Thursday, January 17, 2013
But where's the surprise?
Yes...apparently there is an uproar when some guy in Australia actually measured his foot-long sub only to discover it was an inch short and then posted this picture out on Facebook asking Subway to comment on it.
Seriously...ladies...does this sound familiar?
This cannot be the first time somebody has claimed their "product" is longer than it is.
I noticed no woman filed this complaint. They've probably known for years but have been so conditioned to do the conversion to reality that they never really thought about complaining.
Oh, and that raised additional concerns that Subway hasn't been packing as much meat on them as well.
There we go again...
Need I say more?
Thunk up by VE at 10:02 PM
Wednesday, January 02, 2013
Oh come on....it's only been six months since I last posted. In Geological time that's not even enough time to fart!
And speaking of farting, I do have some random thoughts for 2013...
Isn't it ironic that the only ones who didn't survive the end of the world were they Mayans? They called it!
What do you think trees scream out at us as we're cutting them down? I think they're saying, "Yeah...but we got Sonny Bono, you bastard!"
I wonder if there's one of those roadside crosses marking the spot of where Alderaan used to be. Keep up with me now...you know...Star Wars...planet blown up....
I wish I'd been on the Lincoln movie set when they were filming. I'd have made a very small cabin out of Lincoln logs and put it somewhere on one of the sets in an inconspicuous place just to see if the editors catch it.
Have you seen those Nike Fuel bands? They have GPS tracking and give you points for energy spent doing things. I don't think they're popular because they ignite everyone's inner exercise hero, I think women are giving them as gifts to prove that their hubbies haven't left the couch all day watching sports TV...
I think we should break up one of the calendar months in half this year just so we can have 13-13-13 and prove all those number know-it-alls wrong who said there won't be another repeating date after 12-12-12 for 88 years and we'll all be dead anyway! Let's split up August, there's no holiday going on in August anway.
I saw this viral video showing Superman flying around the beach. Turns out it was just a remote control plane with a lifelike Superman costume on it. This opens the door to a whole new market. You can now turn your remote control 4WD vehicle into a vicous foaming Rotweiller and chase people down the street. The possibilities are endless...
Thunk up by VE at 9:28 PM
Saturday, June 30, 2012
The other day, the wifey-poo and I watched "The Notebook". I won't go into it but this particular picture sums up the male and female response pretty well...
But the analytical me just couldn't help thinking that the famous "rain scene" could really fit into any era in human history. Here's the orignal:
And here are some versions that would fit just as well had the movie been portrayed during different times:
Thunk up by VE at 7:00 AM
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
For those of you that use Google's Blogger tool for your free blog, have you noticed that the new and improved look to it brings some interesting features?
Take your list of the posts you have created and published. Now I don't know how long they've had this new format, but apparently they are keeping count of every view of every post in your blog.
My blog has been around for flippin' ever so I have something like 1100 posts. It's pretty interesting to see what posts are popular.
Back when I cared, I used to guage my popularity based on how many comments I got. I used to average 30-40 per post. Of course, I was posting 5 days a week, reading and commenting on hundreds of blogs and generally missing entire presidential terms in doing so. Not that missing those is a bad thing, of course.
But now Google blogger can tell me what is popular from my old posts. Apparently people are finding them somehow. Here are the top 10 (based on counts last month which increase at a rate of like 30 a day):
1. With almost 7,000 views, "Wizard of OZ from Different Perspectives" is my top viewed post. Ok, I did submit this to a comedy contest and won first place on my first try with this post so I guess people like it. But 7,000 views? How are they finding this? I try to find it from various searches and it doesn't come up at the top. In the VE blogging world, that's like a viral post!
2. With 4,563 views, "The Pivoting Bubble Car" comes in second. Are there really that many people that search on bubble cars? Is this a car nitch I wasn't aware of? I mean bubbles are pretty green and green is still popular these days. Pop a bubble and its gone! Of course, that doesn't say much for safety in a bubble car...
3. Slightly behind with 4,439 views, "Pathetic things that forced me from being cool" comes in third. Of course...write a self-embarassing post and that's the one EVERYONE has to come see. It's like farting during a concert and having the bad timing to let it rip when the orchestra goes silent. But let's face it, that isn't really a great analogy because when would VE ever be at a classical music performance live? I mean really, I'd be more entertained by wadding up the cost of that ticket into hundreds of one dollar bill balls and sling shoting (is that a word?) them onto unsuspecting commuters.
4. Next up with 3,921 views is "V for Violin". Now, this was part of an A-Z seires of improv subject posts. I can't imagine a lot of people searching on violins unless they of course happen to have found a Stratavarius wedged in the attic of their Aunts house after she tripped and died getting the mail during that last ice storm. I mean, if I have a million dollar violin, I'd cash out in a heartbeat!
5. Right behind that with 3,911 views is "Presidents Book of Secrets" in which I had my own entries in the novel book from the "National Treasure 2" movie. I guess I have a bunch of movie fans searching everything related to it and stumbled upon my post. So much for being secret!
6. Not too far back with 3,421 views is "Annual Stupid Pet Costumes". Of course I did several years of these, much to Kurt's loud objection on the cruelty to dogs. Only this one seems to be popular. It's a dog eat dog world out there in blog land!
7. Behind that with 2,411 views is "VE has your Limo Experience" in which I feature a bunch of ridiculous limo vehicles in one of my many themed photo posts. Sorry all 2,000 plus of you...I don't actually own or rent out any of those...
8. The next one, with 2,119 views is "Vegetables aren't what you think" and perhaps this is popular with the whole healthy movement that gets so much press but is ignored by 95% of the overweight American population thinking they're extreme because they eat vegetables or salads a lot.
9. In 9th place with 1,637 views is "Gollum is Alive and Working as my Grocery Store Checker" in which I tell the tale of the guy at my local store that looks just like Gollum but is the fastest damn checker you've ever seen. Or was. Word has it that he isn't doing well health-wise. Damn that Frodo for taking his precious and causing him to leave my store!
10. And finally to round out the top 10, with 1,338 views was "Naked Skydiving" which was part of a series of "challenge" posts in which I challenged everyone to come up with an outrageous subject to post on. And I did! And they keep coming...well, perhaps that is a bad choice of word...
And on the flip side, while many have low views, you have to go back to May 23, 2010 for a post called "Other things to not do while driviing" to find a post that has had zero views! None. I looked at the post again...it's not unfunny! What the hell. People need to reread this. I need syndication. If they can syndicate "Full House" they can syndicate "Fantastical Nonsense"!!!!
Thunk up by VE at 10:47 PM
Thursday, June 21, 2012
I remember reading that the reason Black Sabbath played what they did back in the 1970s was that Ozzy Osbourne wanted to buck the fad and play music that was scary. And its personal opinion whether he achieved his goal but I have to tell you, I saw snippets from his reality show and, well, now that was scary, Ozzy.
Fads...why must we all jump on the bandwagon? I've always been the one to look for the road less traveled. Hell...given a choice between two roads, I'd probably be the one that headed off cross country instead. Why do I need somebody else to direct me?
I've noticed that on videos (well, my son has probably seen every You Tube video uploaded) that this whole "flash mob" concept has really turned into a fad. You know what a flash mob is? If you've been locked in your refrigerator for these last couple years and have finally eaten your way out, a flash mob is a bunch of people performing in front of an unsuspecting audience, usually in a public place, by doing something unusual or outrageous and in synch, as if suddenly the world has gone mad.
Of course, I believe the world has gone mad, so it wouldn't have quite as much impact on me. If the world hadn't gone mad then I could pay for my damned Pepsi at the work cafeteria without having to wait for the "coffee people" to make their triple skinny low fat non mocha extra shot spit in it expresso drink that takes 12 minutes for the single cashier to make while I have to stand there and burn holes in the coffee idiots head with my eyes waiting to pay. But I digress...
I think we should go to the dark side with this whole flash mob thing.
First off, you need everyone to dress in the same creepy costume.
Or go extreme and, God forbid, make it REALLY creepy.
Then, once you have a bunch of people looking really creepy, wait until twilight time and then have like 55 people standing in front of every window of your neighbors house until they panic.
Or have them go to the back yard and have them sit around their table and in their hot tub being motionless until somebody sees them and then they all turn towards that person in unison, slowly.
Follow somebody down a public street and coodinate so that more and more of the same start following until eventually they are all around the person.
There are so many options to the dark side of flash mobs...
Thunk up by VE at 10:37 PM
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Sometimes ads are very creative. But sometimes they aren't
Take a radio ad I heard just the other day...
"Sand on your toes, a fruity drink in your hand...what could be better than this?"
[Golden throated announcer pauses for effect...]
"Getting it for half off"
Ok, they would have you believe that your on vacation at some nice beach locale. But who's to say they weren't describing a homeless person standing in a cat box and drinking a fruit box they found half full on the sidewalk?
But let's not dwell on the negative. The real problem I have with this is that must think I don't have an imagination. My immediate response order went something like this...
[VE mumbling to himself in retort to golden throated announcer]
Oh really? How about getting it for nothing
Which then is followed by
Or how about them paying me to be on vacation at the beach with a fruity drink in my hand
Which then is followed by
Or how about they move me to live at that beach
Which then is followed by
And they pay me to live there
Which then is followed by
And the drink is in a pre-frosted glass that can display my favorite movie on the side of it while I sip my fruity rum drink
Which then is followed by
That tastes delicious and actually builds muscle and burns fat without doing anything
Which then is followed by
And the beach is private, the sand is hand filtered to a soft white perfection and then properly cooled from underneath so that I don't burn my bare feet as I walk through it
Yep...they started it and I could just go on and on...
Thunk up by VE at 12:00 AM
Friday, June 01, 2012
Remember when you were a kid (or at last weeks work lunch) when somebody would say something ridiculous to you...
"Would you drink this whole bottle of Tobasco sauce for $100?"
Remember that game?
Well...there are times in life when that game manifests itself into reality.
Case in point, I'm sitting down with the wifey-poo at dinner the other night enjoying some left over pizza we'd brought home from some swanky pizza restaurant. Suddenly my tongue registers that there is something odd about my lower left molar.
I mention it to the wifey-poo, who knows more about denistry than you or I will EVER want to and she takes a look. Sure enough, I'd popped a crown and eaten it. Funny...I don't remember requesting gold crowns as one of my pizza toppings, but never mind that...
So the reality of my situation has just manifested into that old childhood game...
"Would you shit in bag and root through that shit until you find your gold crown, then fish it out, clean it up and remount it to your tooth for $900?"
Hmm...that's enough money to have to think about it for a moment.
Now the thought of wearing a crown that had been previously sitting in my poo has to be placed on the con side of the old pros/cons list if you ask me.
Saving $900 is a definite pro item but then again, it's not like I'm gaining any money, I'm just avoiding losing money.
Shitting in a bucket with a plastic garbage bag? Definite con...
Playing with my poo as I try to find it? That would only be a pro if I were a fly or had some strange fetish we all won't even bother to contemplate. No, definitely a con.
In the end, I gladly forked out the money for a new one because there are some lines I just won't cross...
Thunk up by VE at 11:59 AM
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Then some sneaky corporate guy got an evil idea that what everyone really wanted was something on top of the shake. So instead of giving us all of our shake, they gave us less and then put a bubble top on the shake and filled it up with canned whip cream and added a cherry on top!
WTF???? I don't get whip cream when I order my pizza because somebody thought I'd need more on it. Don't think I don't see through their tricks. This isn't a benefit, this is a cost savings design.
Sure, we don't need 84 ounces of shake in a single serving but I just don't happen to like the way they rolled this out. Nobody asked me! Fortunately there are some establishments around here that have been making shakes for 50 or more years and they don't subscribe to such foolishness. And therefore, they will get my shake cravin' business now.
Thunk up by VE at 4:11 PM